Quirks / Weird Things
- Thread starter Euphanasia
- Start date
Difficult to say, even for a shrink. I guess the idea is to change your perception of the world. Neediness is often a desperate mean. A stereotypical example would be a girlfriend that is needy because the boyfriend is being evasive (because he is fucking around). An example of a way to not be needy in your situation would be to realize that she doesn't deserve you if you are this dedicated to the relationship and she is not. You are a person like everyone else, if you desire to be with someone who doesn't have such a problem with physical intimacy, you're not with the right girl for you (based on what you've said about her sexuality and general attitude towards intimacy). You are settling for less than you should due to some fear of ending up alone or due to feeling inadequate. Your "inadequacy" (as dictated by yourself) is making you yearn for confirmation that you are in fact not inadequate maybe? A constant need to reassure yourself that she's still into you?
Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the impression that you are holding on to what you have because you are afraid of losing it, because ultimately it's better than being alone even if it's not what you dreamed of. You are settling for less than you are happy with, and instead of accepting it and moving on you are trying to change her into being more like you want. This is what a lot of people do and it's why a lot of people end up breaking up. They just weren't meant to be, and waste years trying to make it work because people are scared of being alone.
I used to be very needy especially when it came to like girlfriend shit. My answer was to build a larger and better circle of friends around me. Now I'm never bored and when I feel lonely I go have fun with my friends. Makes it easier to not do "desperate" things. So that was my way of fixing my needy problem, I simply stopped being so worried about whether I'll have a wife and kids in ten years and just live my life doing the things I like to do, like playing games together, watching movies, joking around.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the impression that you are holding on to what you have because you are afraid of losing it, because ultimately it's better than being alone even if it's not what you dreamed of. You are settling for less than you are happy with, and instead of accepting it and moving on you are trying to change her into being more like you want. This is what a lot of people do and it's why a lot of people end up breaking up. They just weren't meant to be, and waste years trying to make it work because people are scared of being alone.
I used to be very needy especially when it came to like girlfriend shit. My answer was to build a larger and better circle of friends around me. Now I'm never bored and when I feel lonely I go have fun with my friends. Makes it easier to not do "desperate" things. So that was my way of fixing my needy problem, I simply stopped being so worried about whether I'll have a wife and kids in ten years and just live my life doing the things I like to do, like playing games together, watching movies, joking around.
Wow. This really hit me hard. Everything you said is exactly dead on. The fact that you were able to realize/understand all that without actually knowing me as a person is pretty amazing.
Based on the revelation that you just made me have, I think it's clear what I have to do...even though i really really don't want to do it.
hopefully i can do it.
thanks buddy
Based on the revelation that you just made me have, I think it's clear what I have to do...even though i really really don't want to do it.
hopefully i can do it.
thanks buddy
I don't want to take anything away from Preach' analysis, but I do want to say that since you're honest and share your girl problems with us, you actually paint a good picture of yourself. In other words, we might not know you in person, but we do know a lot about you through your threads.
Also, I'd like to add that the issue isn't really that the girl you're with has significant issues that are causing your neediness. I'd say that even when a better girl comes along, one without your current girls' intimacy problems, she won't necessarily fill that void in your life because what you require of a girl to do to prove that she cares/likes/loves you will probably differ from what she thinks she ought to do to prove that. But she might be willing to do what it takes for you to feel secure, but that won't take away from the fact that you're being needy. In other words, you can't expect women to fix your self-esteem and controlling issues. In Katt Williams' words, "It's called SELF-esteem, bitch!!"
Also, I'd like to add that the issue isn't really that the girl you're with has significant issues that are causing your neediness. I'd say that even when a better girl comes along, one without your current girls' intimacy problems, she won't necessarily fill that void in your life because what you require of a girl to do to prove that she cares/likes/loves you will probably differ from what she thinks she ought to do to prove that. But she might be willing to do what it takes for you to feel secure, but that won't take away from the fact that you're being needy. In other words, you can't expect women to fix your self-esteem and controlling issues. In Katt Williams' words, "It's called SELF-esteem, bitch!!"